


Of Sickness, Needles, and Never Having to Face Life Alone

by SabbyBrina84



Series: Home [1]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Anxiety, Brief mention of rape and non-con drug use, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Illness, M/M, Medical Procedures, PTSD, Panic Attack, like super brief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2014-05-13
Packaged: 2018-01-24 13:28:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1606817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SabbyBrina84/pseuds/SabbyBrina84
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Danny and Steve's foster daughter Jessica becomes ill, Steve is forced to deal with most of it by himself, as Danny's off on the other side of the island chasing down a suspect. As the day wears on and Jessica only gets sicker, Steve's not sure how much he can handle alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Sickness, Needles, and Never Having to Face Life Alone

**Author's Note:**

> This is the very first story I've ever posted, so I sincerely hope that you guys enjoy it. I've had the idea of Steve and Danny becoming foster parents for quite some time. Jessica, their foster daughter, has some pretty serious PTSD after her father killed her mother and raped her, but there are no graphic descriptions of that trauma in this story. Only very, very, short references. 
> 
> Also I'd be very interested in making this a series if anyone is interested in me continuing to write her story. 
> 
> And finally, huge, huge thanks to plain_jane08 (aka awolfing), my H/C soulmate, who pushed me to finally finish a story and to actually be brave and share it with the world. You rock!

Most days Steve and Danny partner together at work, but occasionally they don’t. Sometimes, no matter how much they love each other, seeing each other every minute of every day, working together, then going home together, can be just the slightest bit…well too much togetherness. So for the sake of their relationship, they sometimes split up.

It figures that one of those times would be the day that Jessica gets sick. The school calls Danny first but as he’s on the other side of the island with Kono chasing down a suspect, it’s Steve who gets the honor of going to pick up their ill foster daughter. It’s still early in the day, before lunch, and Steve insists that Danny stay at work.

“She’s fine, Danny,” Steve assures him, for what feels like the 30th time. “I’m sure it’s just the flu. She’s got a low grade fever and some vomiting. We’re pulling into the driveway now. You don’t need to come home. Finish working the case alright, it’s important we catch this guy.” Steve pauses and rolls his eyes as Danny rattles on about what medication to give Jessica. “I know where the Tylenol is Danny. Yes…alright look. Everything’s fine. Believe it or not I do know what to do for the flu. We’re good. Promise….Love you too.”

Steve smiles at Jessica as he helps her out of the car. “Danny apparently thinks I’m incapable of dealing with someone who’s sick.” Jessica smiles back weakly, but pales suddenly and Steve can tell another wave of vomiting is about to hit. “Let’s get you in the house.

A few hours later and it becomes evident that all is not fine. Jessica’s fever has spiked to 103.2 and she’s added a killer headache and sensitivity to light on top of her ever growing list of symptoms. Steve really becomes concerned when she starts complaining of a stiff neck. He calls Jessica’s pediatrician, who immediately tells him to go to the ED.

Forcing himself to maintain calm when inside he’s all types of worried, Steve gently tells Jessica that he’s taking her to the hospital. Which sounds like a simple thing, but Jessica’s anxiety has always been triggered around hospitals. They remind her too much of the day her mother died and the aftermath. Steve’s not surprised when she begs him not to take her.

“No, please, I’m fine, really. Please, please, I don’t want to go. I’m not that sick” Her assurances that she’s fine are meet with another round of vomiting and Steve gently rubs her back and pulls her hair out of her face as she heaves.

“Easy,” he whispers. Once she’s done, he places a wet washcloth on her neck, hoping it will bring her some relief. “I know you don’t want to go to the hospital sweetheart,” he tells her as he slides down next to her on the cool tile of the bathroom floor. “But we need to. Your symptoms are getting worse and the medication that I’m giving you just isn’t helping. Hey,” he puts his fingers under her chin and forces her to look up at him. “I’m gonna be right there with you ok?” He waits till she nods, making himself ignore the miserable look in her eyes and resisting the desire to just keep her at home. He knows this is what what’s best for her, but that doesn’t make it any easier. “Come on, let’s get this over with.”

++++  
Thankfully the ER isn’t totally packed this early in the afternoon, but even still Steve doesn’t feel the least bit guilty when he discreetly flashes his badge at the receptionist and throws around that he’s the head of 5-0. Jessica is taken back to a room within a matter of minutes and Steve steps out as Jessica reluctantly changes into a gown. He quietly tells the nurse a short version of Jessica’s trauma history before a clerk comes over to complete Jessica’s registration and he’s forced to explain _again_ that despite the fact that he and Danny are foster parents and therefore do not have legal custody of Jessica they still retain medical rights for emergency situations, which this clearly is. This ends up taking longer than it should, with the registration clerk asking what feels like a billion questions and by the time it’s done Steve’s sure Danny would tell him he has aneurysm face. All he wants to do is be with Jessica.

“Hey,” he whispers softly as he finally enters the room, drawing the door closed behind him. “How are you doing?”

“I want to go home.” There’s a panicky undercurrent to Jessica’s tone and as he turns around, he immediately understands why. The nurse from earlier is there but holds a IV needle in her hand and Steve turns to her with a questioning gaze.

“Dr. Hunt will be in in just a few moments,” she explains “but in the meantime he wanted me to get Jessica started on an IV to help get some fluids into her. She’s pretty dehydrated from all the vomiting. He also wants some lab work, so I’ll get that first and then we’ll only have to do one stick.”

Steve nods. He’s well aware that needles are a trigger for Jessica; they remind her of her father shooting her up with heroin before he would rape her. God this whole thing is one giant trigger for her and Steve wishes that Danny was here with him, but he’s still off on the other side of the island tracking down leads on their case. Steve had called and left a message before they left for the hospital, but he hasn’t heard back yet.

“We will Jessica,” Steve assures her, sitting down on a stool close to the bed. “Just as soon we get you fixed up, ok? Here,” he holds out his hand, giving Jessica the choice to take it if she chooses to. If there’s one thing he’s learned through all the therapy they’ve been involved in, it’s that it’s best to give Jessica options to allow her to feel in control. “Need a hand?”

Jessica accepts and Steve’s proud of her as she closes her eyes and breathes deeply as the nurse guides the needle in. She flinches, but doesn’t jerk away, so the nurse gets it in one stick. She’s good, Steve gives her that and has the blood drawn and the IV bag hooked up in no time. With the fluids running in, Steve’s hopeful that they’ll start working soon and Jessica will start feeling better.

Dr. Hunt comes in moments later. He’s tall, about the same size as Steve, with red hair and he’s wearing dark blue scrubs, but no lab coat, which Steve hopes will put Jessica at ease.

“Hi Jessica. I’m Dr. Hunt. I understand you’re not feeling too great, huh?”

Jessica nods, but is immediately met with another round of vomiting, so Steve takes over and explains what’s going on. Dr. Hunt asks the standard questions about how long the symptoms have been occurring and their intensity, as well as what medications Steve’s already given her. Once he’s done, he approaches the bed. Steve realizes the nurse must have told him about Jessica’s PTSD because he asks her permission before he listens to her chest, then has her lie back so he can palpate her stomach.

Dr. Hunt raises the head of the bed after that. “This is going to sound odd, but can you touch your chin to your chest for me?” he asks.

Jessica stares at him for a second, before attempting to follow his instructions. She only manages to get her head about halfway down before she cries out. “OW.”

“That’s ok, you can stop,” Dr. Hunt assures her. “We’re almost done.” He takes out his pocket light and asks her to follow it with her eyes. Jessica whimpers, clearly sensitive.

“Sorry, I know it’s bright. Try to stick with it for just a few more seconds,” Dr. Hunt instructs.

Jessica manages, barely, before she’s struck by another round of vomiting. “Let’s get her started on 8mg of Zofran and 600 mg of Ibuprofen. Also I want a CBC, CMP, electrolytes and a urine analysis.” He turns to Steve. “The first is an anti-emetic which should help control the vomiting and nausea and the Ibuprofen will help with her fever, as well as her pain.”

“I already gave Tylenol,” Steve says. He’s rubbing her back as she vomits, trying to pay attention to both Jessica and the doctor at the same time.

“I know, but in cases like these where there’s a high fever that isn’t responding to medications, we can alternate Tylenol and Ibuprofen in order to bring the fever down.”

Steve nods his understanding. “So are we thinking the flu here?”

“It could be. We’re gonna run a few tests, see what her labwork shows. Can I borrow you for a few minutes though? I have some more questions for you.”

Steve’s about to say no, that he needs to stay here with Jessica, but there’s something about the way that Dr. Hunt’s looking at him that makes him agree. “Hey I’m going to step outside, just for a few minutes, alright,” he tells Jessica as he crouches down next to her bed so that he can look her in the eye. He waits till she acknowledges that it’s ok, trying not to focus just how miserable she looks and how much he just wants to scoop her up and take her home. As he rises, he plants a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll be close by. Just let the nurse know if you need me.”

“What’s going on?” Steve demands to know after he and Dr. Hunt are outside the room.

“I’m sorry to pull you away from your daughter Commander, but Lisa, the nurse, told me about her trauma history and I thought it would be better for us to talk in private. Given Jessica’s symptoms, I’m concerned that it may be more serious than just the flu. I’m worried she may have meningitis.”

Steve feels as though all his air has left his body in one rush when Dr. Hunt says those words. He vaguely remembers something about meningitis from his Navy days, recalls having to be vaccinated against it before he could start the Academy. “Meningitis? Isn’t…isn’t that fatal?”

“There are two different kinds of meningitis: viral and bacterial. Both can be serious, but bacterial is the one we really have to worry about. And yes, it can be fatal. But time is on our side here Commander. Jessica’s only showing symptoms of the early stages of the disease and you got her here pretty quick once she became ill, which both work substantially in our favor.”

Steve can’t remember the last time he felt this kind of fear race through him and he’s surprised that he’s managed to stay standing. Give him terrorists and hardened criminals any day of the week, those he could handle. This, well this feels foreign to him. He tries to keep it together, knowing that he’s going to have to go back into the room and tell Jessica.  
“Are you sure?”

“She’s got all the symptomatology. The fever, vomiting, sensitivity to light, headache, and the stiff neck, those are all classic signs of meningitis. But to answer your question, no I’m not sure. The blood tests alone won’t tell us. The only way to definitively test for the disease is a spinal tap. We inject Jessica with some numbing medication and then insert a needle into her spinal column in order to withdraw some cerebral spinal fluid and test the pressure.”

Steve runs his hand over his face as Dr. Hunt says those words. He desperately wishes that Danny were here to help him deal with this. “That’s not going to go over well Doc. Jessica’s got a thing about needles. They’re a trigger for her. She’s not going to react well to me telling her she has to have one stuck into her spine. Trust me when I say this test is going to cause a panic attack.”

“I figured as much. That’s why I called you out here first.”

“And we can’t wait?” Steve asks, hoping against hope that he can buy some time. “My partner, Danny, should be here. Jessica, she….she responds better to him.”

Dr. Hunt shakes his head. “The sooner we get this diagnosed and treated the better. We need to do the test as soon as possible.”

“Alright,” Steve says, his voice projecting a calm that he certainly did not feel. “Then I’m going to need you to tell me everything there is to know about spinal taps so that I can prep Jessica.” He knows from experience that if he’s going to have any chance whatsoever of keeping Jessica calm, he’s going to have to come armed with answers.

+++++++++++++  
Steve’s spent the last 20 minutes with Dr. Hunt, learning more about meningitis and spinal taps than he ever wanted to know. The two of them are about to go back into Jessica’s room when his phone rings and he motions the doctor to give him a minute. “McGarrett,” he barks out, not even bothering to look at the caller ID.

“Hey babe, it’s me.” The reassuring voice of his partner comes through the other end.

“Danny.” For a moment he’s incredibly relieved to finally get some help. Then comes the irrational wave of anger that he’s been stuck alone dealing with this all day. It’s not Danny’s fault, he knows. After all Steve was the one that insisted he stay and work. That still doesn’t stop the accusatory tone that comes out of his mouth. “Where the hell have you been?! I left you a voicemail over an hour ago.”

“Yeah, my phone’s at the bottom of the ocean. It’s a long story, but you owe me a new phone. And then I had to change when I got back to the office because my clothes also took a dip in the ocean. And my new tie is ruined. I really liked that tie Steven. I don’t know how, but I am convinced this is entirely your fault.”

Danny’s rambling helps to calm Steve’s nerves. Danny’s always been like this, from the first day they meet Danny’s been nothing but words, too many words thrown together, but this is what Steve knows, it’s comfortable and familiar and for the first time since he got to the hospital Steve feels like he can breathe again.

“Anyways, how’s Jessica doing?”

“Uhh, not so great. Her fever spiked and she started got a headache and stiff neck. I called the pediatrician and he told me to take her to the ER. We’re at Queens. The doctors here, they uh…They think it’s meningitis. They want to do a spinal tap,” Steve tells Danny.

“Meningitis?! I thought it was just the flu! And what the hell is a spinal tap?”

Steve sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. Danny has the ability to go from 0 to 100 in under 3 seconds and Steve can tell he’s gearing up for another rant. He just doesn’t have the energy to deal with that right now though. He needs to be focusing on Jessica. “The doctors insert a needle into her spine and withdraw spinal fluid to test for infection. Look Danny meningitis can be serious, fatal even. This is the only way to test for it.” He hopes that Danny picks up on the fact that he’s not in the mood to argue.

Luckily, Danny seems to. “Alright I’m on my way babe. I should be there in 30minutes. Do you need anything?”

“No. The doctor’s worried though, so he wants to do the tap ASAP. We may have to start before you get here.”

“How’s Jessica holding up?”

“I’m getting ready to go tell her now. She’s scared Danny, the hospital is already all kinds of triggering for her. I don’t think she’s going to react well when I tell her the doctor needs to stab a needle into her spine.” Steve doesn’t say what he’s thinking, that he wished Danny was here instead of him, that Danny was so much better than Steve when it came to dealing with Jessica’s panic attacks, that Jessica trusted Danny more that she trusted Steve.

But Danny hears the unspoken words anyways and his next words are ones of reassurance. “Everything’s going to be fine Steve. Just focus on keeping Jessica calm. Jessica trusts you. I know you don’t believe that but she does. You got this babe.”

Steve breathes in Danny’s words. “Thanks Danny.”

“Anytime babe. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Give Jessica my love.”

“I will. See you soon Danno. Love you.”

“Love you too babe.”

Steve disconnects the call, feeling more centered, as Dr. Hunt approaches him.

"Ready?" Dr. Hunt asks.

Steve takes a deep breath and steels himself as he nods. He knows that this procedure will be hard on Jessica but right now he can't let himself think that far ahead. Right now all he needs to focus on is keeping her in the room as he tells her. He doesn't want another repeat of the time she panicked at the dentists when they told explained the procedure for having a cavity filled. Jessica had been halfway out the front door before Steve had even realized what was happening. He's determined not to let that happen here; to make sure that Jessica feels safe and supported.

"Yeah," he answers.

When Steve enters the room he can practically feel the tension that’s vibrating off of Jessica. She’s sitting cross-legged on the bed fidgeting, her fingers tapping out a soundless rhythm against the mattress. Steve hates the fact that he’s about to tell her that she needs to have a giant needle inserted into her spine before they can go home. He plasters a smile on his face as he perches himself on the edge of bed. “How are you feeling sweetheart?” he asks, his voice soft and tender.

“Better,” she acknowledges. “I think the meds are working. I haven’t thrown up again.” She pauses then looks up at him.  
“Can we go home now?”

“Not yet Jessie. Dr. Hunt is worried that you might have meningitis, so he needs to run another test.”

Steve watches Jessica tense as he says those words. “What kind of test?” she asks warily. She looks like she’s about to make a run for the door at any second.

Dr. Hunt steps forward and Steve is glad that he’s not the one who’s actually telling Jessica what’s about to happen. Call him a coward, but there wasn’t a part of him that relished that. “It’s called a spinal tap,” Dr. Hunt explains. “We’ll give you some medication to numb you, then insert a thin needle into your spinal column to in order to withdraw some fluid that we need to test for an infection.”

There are a few moments of silence and Steve can tell that Jessica’s desperately trying to stay in the moment. It’s one of things that they’ve been working on in therapy, getting Jessica to be present during her panic attacks instead of dissociating like she normally does. He feels a swell of pride as she reaches out and grabs his hand in what he’s sure is an attempt to keep herself grounded. “I’m right here Jessica,” he assures her, as she squeezes tight. He doesn’t say anything else as she nods, simply providing a solid, supportive presence. This is something that Steve’s had to learn: that sometimes, especially during her panic attacks, there’s nothing he can do to fix the problem. Sometimes the only thing he can do is just bear witness.

Jessica’s silent for a few more seconds that feel like a lifetime before she finally looks up at Steve, tears streaming down her face. “I…” she stops and takes a deep breath and Steve instinctively reaches out and grabs her other hand. “I…I can’t do this Steve. I want to go home. Please, please take me home.”

Steve hears what isn’t said, the ‘I’m scared’ that’s being screamed loudly throughout the room in everything but the actual words. “Come here,” he whispers, opening his arms.

Jessica launches herself at him and begins sobbing in earnest the second he’s got his arms wrapped around her body. She’s shaking too as loud cries echo off the walls and Steve squeezes her a little more tightly, determined to keep the pieces together. “I got you,” he murmurs. “It’s ok Jessie. I’ve got you now.”

They stay like that for a few minutes, Steve quietly whispering soft assurances, meaningless words of comfort. It does nothing to change the fact that this procedure has to happen as it’s the only way to definitely test for the disease and Steve feels a knot in his stomach when Jessica’s cries finally quiet, knowing he’ll have to be the one to tell her that. As much as he would like to, he won’t leave that to Dr. Hunt. Steve reaches out and wipes her tears away with his thumb before he kisses her forehead. Then he takes her hand again. “Listen to me Jessica. I know you’re scared ok. And I don’t blame you. If I was in your position I would be scared too. But meningitis can be pretty serious,” he deliberately leaves off fatal, not wanting to throw her into another panic attack, “and this is the only way to test for it.”

He pauses, giving Jessica a few moments to digest his words. She nods, glancing up at him. “Will it hurt?”

“You'll feel some burning when the anesthesia is injected and you’ll feel some pressure when the needle is inserted into your spine,” Dr. Hunt answers. “Most people describe it as mildly uncomfortable. You’ll need to keep very still though. If you move around during the procedure I could hit a nerve and that will cause pain. We’ll also ask you to lie flat on your back afterwards so that you don’t get what’s called a spinal headache.”

“You’ll stay with me, right?” Jessica asks Steve. She sounds like a scared little child, not the 15 year old girl that she is, and Steve wants to beat something into submission for making her so terrified.

“Of course I will,” Steve assures her. “Danny’s on his way too, ok?

“He is?” there was a hopeful tone in Jessica’s voice that Steve’s not surprised to hear. Danny and Jessica had a bond from day 1. Probably because Danny was a dad prior and knew what he was doing, unlike Steve who mostly felt like he was fumbling around in the dark all the time. It had taken Jessica longer to warm up to Steve.

“Of course he is. He’s back at the office, so it might take him a little while to get here, but he’s coming. He wanted me to tell you that he loves you.”

Steve can only hope that Danny’s arrival happens sooner rather than later. He’s not sure how much longer he can do this alone.

+++++++++  
By the time Danny arrives, Jessica was already in the middle of the procedure. With her knees drawn up to her chest, head tucked down, Steve is so laser focused on her that he doesn’t even register Danny’s presence initially. He has one hand on the back of Jessica’s neck, his thumb rubbing in small circles. Jessica’s eyes are closed and she has a death grip on his other hand. Steve murmurs soothing words as Jessica tightens her hold on him.

"You're doing so well baby girl. I'm so proud of you. Hang in there."

Jessica makes a sound of distress. "Steve. Please." She sounds wrecked and Steve can nearly feel his heart breaking in two. The insertion of the needle had been hard enough; Jessica had panicked and jerked when she felt the needle enter her spine causing Dr. Hunt to hit a nerve. This in turn precipitated a well-meaning nurse to grab and restrain Jessica to keep her still. Both Steve and Dr. Hunt yelled at the nurse to let her go at the same moment, but the damage was done. Jessica’s anxiety flew through the roof and it took Steve several long minutes of coaching Jessica to breath and promising her that she was safe before Dr. Hunt could start again. The second attempt to get the needle placed was successful and now they were in the long process of collecting the fluid. It should have been the easiest part: all Jessica had to do was stay still, but that was easier said than done.

"I know. You're ok. I've got you,” Steve promises her. He wishes he could do more, but right now, his words are all he’s got. He’s trying his best to keep her calm, to keep her anxiety under control, to keep her grounded, but it isn’t easy and Jessica’s always responded better to Danny during her panic attacks. Maybe it was because of his claustrophobia. Maybe it was because Danny was better at expressing emotions than Steve. Whatever the case Steve didn’t care. All he knew was that he would give anything to have a little back up in the moment.

"No, no Steve please I need to move."

Steve glances up at Dr. Hunt, who shakes his head no, before he finally registers Danny’s presence. He doesn’t even try to school his face as relief floods his features. Danny’s here now. Danny’s here and Danny will help. Finally, he doesn’t have to keep going alone. Danny makes his way around the bed and drops kiss on Steve’s forehead. Steve gratefully leans into it before he turns back to Jessica.

"Not yet baby. Soon." He pauses, then "Danny's here Jessica." It’s as much a plea for help as it is a distraction for Jessica and Steve can’t even bring himself to feel guilty about that.

"Danny?" Jessica asks. She instinctively tries to move in order to seek him out, but Steve and Danny gently restrain her.  
"I'm right here babe," Danny assures her, placing one hand on her shoulder to still her. He puts his other hand on top of Jessica's and Steve's connecting the three of them. "Don't move ok."

"I need to."

"Yeah I know what that feels like. Did I ever tell you about the time I triggered a motion sensor on a bomb and had to stay perfectly still until it could be disarmed?" Danny launches into the story, all words and motions just like he always is and Steve isn’t sure it’s having the slightest bit of effect until Jessica’s grip on his loosens ever so slightly. He’s struck by the briefest moment of insane jealousy, envious that Danny always seems to know what to do or say to calm Jessica down, but he quickly pushes the thought aside. He knows he’s just drained by the whole ordeal, not to mention terrified that Jessica might have a life-threatening illness.

Danny pauses in his story, presumably to take a breath, and Dr. Hunt takes the opportunity to jump in and say that words that will finally bring an end to Jessica’s misery.

“We’ve got all the fluid we need Jessica. I’m going to withdraw the needle now, so you’ll feel some pressure. Just a couple seconds longer.”

Steve hears Jessica suck in a breath and tighten her grip again. “Almost over sweetheart,” he promises her. And then, it is. Dr. Hunt places a bandaid over the site and then instructs Jessica to roll over on her back. Steve’s never been so glad.

“You’ll need to stay lying on your back for the next 2 hours so you don’t get a spinal headache,” Dr. Hunt reiterates. “We should have the results by then. In the meantime, we’re going to get your started on some antibiotics, just to cover all our bases. I’ll let you get some rest.” With that, he exits the room.

It’s easy to see that Jessica’s fading fast, exhausted by the spinal tap, as well as the feeling terrible in the first place. That doesn’t take the anxiety she’s feeling away though and both Steve and Danny recognize it in the way that she curls her fingers around the edges of the blanket. Steve wishes, not for the first time, that there was some way that he could go back and undo everything that ever happened to her. It would mean of course that she wouldn’t be in their lives, but Steve would be willing to take that hit if it meant Jessica could have some peace. But of course that isn’t an option; there’s no magic time machine that he can use to go back and erase all the damage done. All Steve and Danny can do now is pick up the pieces and help Jessica to heal. Some days that comes easy and those days, when he hears Jessica’s laughter echo through the house, those days warm his soul. They come more frequently now and there are moments when Jessica’s laughter sounds carefree and she’s talking about boys and complaining about homework, everything a 15 yr old is supposed to be doing. But there were still days, days like today, when Jessica’s anxiety is triggered, when she’s forced into situations that remind her of the terrible events of the past, and it’s these days when Steve feels helpless.

Steve’s so incredibly grateful he’s got such an amazing husband to help him through both the good days and the bad. Danny’s sitting next to Jessica, finishing his story and Steve watches as Jessica slowly relaxes and drifts off to sleep. He’s not sure how long sleep will last, Jessica tends to have nightmares when her anxiety is high during the day, but he’ll take what he can get.

Danny and Steve retreat to a corner of the exam room as Steve sighs and rubs his hand over his face. “You ok babe?” Danny asks.

“Yeah, I just…Fuck, I’m glad you’re here Danny. That was….God I just hate seeing her like this you know.”

“I know.” Danny runs his hands up and down Steve’s arm and Steve’s feels himself beginning to relax. Steve leans into Danny’s touch, thoroughly exhausted by the day’s events. “You did good babe,” Danny tells him.

“Didn't feel like it,” Steve mumbles. “You should have heard Jessica when I told her you were on your way. It was like you were her guardian angel or something.” He can’t help pouting the slightest bit.

“Are you…are you actually pouting right now?” Danny asks.

“No.”

“Oh my god, you totally are!” Danny laughs. “Look babe, I know that Jessica and I had an easier time….bonding than you and her did. And I know that you think that you don’t handle Jessica’s anxiety as well as I do, but that’s not true. You convinced her to go to the hospital, which I’m sure wasn't easy, and then you managed to keep her calm while she was  
having a giant needle stuck into her spine. So go easy on yourself ok?"

Steve sighs. Danny’s right, he knows. “Yeah.”

Danny fills Steve in on the rest of the case they were working on and why his phone is at the bottom of the ocean as they wait for Dr. Hunt to return with the test results. Steve only half pays attention as he listens to the soothing lithe of Danny’s ramblings. He’s utterly exhausted and feels as though he’s just come off a 10 mile run. The adrenaline that spiked when this whole thing started is wearing off and Steve’s not the least bit surprised when he finds himself nodding off. Danny, for his part, simply guides Steve over to a chair and encourages him to sleep. “Get some rest babe. It’s been a long day.”

Steve awakens after a 20 minute power nap, feeling much more centered. He rolls his neck to get the kinks out, sleeping in a plastic hospital chair isn’t the most comfortable after all. Jessica’s still asleep, but Danny’s right there beside her, rubbing his thumb against the back of her hand.

“She ok?” Steve asks.

“Yeah,” Danny smiles.

Dr. Hunt enters the room then and Steve immediately jumps to attention. “What did the test show?” he demands to know.

“Whoa, Steve, easy babe. Let the man get into the room. Sorry doc, sometimes my partner forgets his manners. We’re still working on this whole mammal to mammal interaction thing.”

Steve rolls his eyes at Danny, but it’s the reminder that he needs that to breathe and that he’s not alone in this anymore.  
“Sorry,” he apologizes.

“It’s fine gentlemen. Really, I know you’re all anxious. The results of the spinal tap showed that Jessica does indeed have meningitis, but it’s viral, not bacterial.”

“So what does that mean exactly?” Danny asks.

“It means you get to take your daughter home,” Dr. Hunt says with a smile.

“She doesn’t need admitted?” Danny questions. “I thought meningitis was serious.”

  
“It can be, but we caught it pretty early and antibiotics won’t help with a viral infection. I’ll write her a prescription for Zofram to help control the vomiting and you should continue to alternate Tylenol and Ibprueon every 3 hours until her fever breaks, but mostly what she needs right now is rest and fluids. If she seems to be getting worse, develops a rash, or becomes confused you should bring her back, but for now she can go home. And frankly, I think that she’ll get better faster at home, in an environment that she knows and she feels safe.”

“Thanks Doc.”

“Sure. You’ll need to follow-up with her PCP in a week. I’ll call and make the appointment for you now. They’re probably going to want to do another spinal tap, just to make sure the infection is clearing up.” Steve and Danny both nod their understanding. “I’ll go write her discharge instructions.”

Steve sighs heavily as he looks across the room at Danny. “She’s not going to like that.”

“I know. We can deal with that later though babe. Right now, let’s just take our girl home.”

Home. That sounds like an excellent plan to Steve.

+++++++  
Steve and Danny take turns staying home with Jessica over the next week, who slowly but surely seems to recover. She spends most of her time sleeping or on the couch, still weak and tired from the virus, but each day she gets a little bit more of her energy back. Kono and Chin stop over after work one night so that Steve and Danny can attend Grace’s spring choir concert and Steve’s once again grateful that they have such an amazing ohana.

Jessica's none too happy about having a second spinal tap performed, but it goes better than the first one does. It's done at her pediatrician's office, who Jessica knows, so that makes the process somewhat easier. She’s also had a long phone conversation with her therapist, Jared, who helped her work through some of the underlying anxiety about the procedure and given her some coping skills. Steve is never quite sure how Jared does it, but he’s always grateful and frankly doesn’t think that they pay Jared nearly enough for everything that he does.

Both Steve and Danny are with Jessica this time and they tag-team coaching her through breathing. Steve had been little surprised when Jessica asked him to be present as well (he and Danny had given her the option of choosing whom she wanted to be in the room with her), but he counts it as a win. She’s got her IPod with her this time, a suggestion from Jared, so she mostly tunes out everything around her, but Steve holds her hand anyway and promises her that they can stop for shaved ice on the way home.

After it’s all said and done Jessica’s more than ready to leave, so she and Steve wait outside while Danny has a few more final questions for the doctor. “What were you listening to in there?” Steve asks as they both lean against the car. “You seemed pretty into it.”

Jessica blushes and doesn’t make eye contact with him. “It was that mix you gave me,” she admits. “But mostly I just had one song on repeat.”

Steve feels all jumbly inside when Jessica tells him that. He had made a mix of songs for her shortly after he and Danny had starting fostering her, early on when she was still struggling through the after-effects of being hooked heroin; when she and Steve were still trying to find their footing around each other. Steve had left in on her bed one day with a note that simply read _Music as always been healing for me. I hope you can find some peace through it as well. You’re not alone. Steve._ He honestly didn’t know she still had it.

“Yeah, which song was that?” Steve asks. He’s trying to act like it’s no big deal that Jessica still had the mix nearly a year later and that she had chosen it, over all her other music, when she needed something to keep her focused. He’s not entirely sure he’s succeeding.

Jessica hands him the earpieces and he puts them in as she pushes play. The sound of an acoustic guitar floods his eardrums for a few seconds before the lyrics start. _Hold on to me as we go. As we roll down this unfamiliar road. And although this wave is stringing us along. Just know you’re not alone. Cause I’m gonna make this place your home_.  
Steve’s got tears in his eyes as he pulls Jessica in for a hug. His insides feel like they’re made of rubber and he’s pretty such he felt his heart shift in his chest and he can’t remember the last time he felt like this, but he doesn’t even care. “I hope you know how much we love you Jessie,” Steve tells her as he holds her close.

Jessie nods. “I do. And….thanks. I couldn’t have gotten through this past week without you. Especially the spinal taps.”

Steve’s heart feels like it’s going to burst and he pulls Jessica just a little bit closer.

“You’re smothering me,” she laughs, her voice muffled in his chest.

Steve smiles and lets her go, as he hears Danny’s voice coming from across the parking lot.

“Hey, what’s going on out here? Are you two conspiring to take over the world or something?”

“Nothing Danno,” Steve laughs. “Come on, let’s go home.”

“You promised me shaved ice,” Jessica reminds them.

“So I did,” Steve acknowledges. “Shave ice first. Then home.”

“Sound good to me babe.”

“Me too.” Jessica’s smile as she slides into the backseat of the Camaro is all the assurance that Steve needs. Things may not always be easy, Jessica knows she’ll never have to face her fears alone.

FINISH


End file.
